Inhumane treatment. Heather, made that dog suffer.

This picture exemplifies how long this dog was neglected, and left to suffer. Princess, had these sores and open wounds on her toes for months before she was taken to the vet. The smell alone was awful. Princess, continuously would licked and licked and it was obvious she was in pain. Heather KIllebrew should never have another animal or be in the care of anything ever again. She made that dog suffer. I wound up paying for the surgeries on both toes. Princess died a horrible painful death. Instead of being humane and putting her down, she let that dog suffer, experience massive seizures, and go through a horribly painful death. She videod Princess suffering. This picture shows what type of person, Heather is and is proof that she made that poor dog suffer badly.

2:46 AM 01/05/25

celebration Day. Goal one achieved.

Today is a great day and a very scary day., I get released today from rehab and move into transition to outpatient. I am a long way away from being recovered. I suffered a major stroke to the upper right hemisphere of my brain. In fact, I have been brain damaged and still have lots of swelling in my brain. I can only feel pressure on the left side of my body, which they tell me is normal and could take up to a year to fully recover all the feeling if I'm going to. Whatever was lost in the stroke is lost in the stroke. I have to retrain my brain to do everything. I have amazed them, but that is really just gross motor skills. I won't be able to drive at all as my left eye is completely blurred and I don't trust anything on my left side. It takes a long time to process information on things that I see on the left side of me. My processing speed is way down and my attention span is none. If you’re trying to say something to me of any meaning, you better be done in 30 seconds or less. It it takes a lot of energy to pay attention and absorbed. And most of the energy is being used to just do basic movements on the left side of my body.

It's hard to describe, but if you saw when they had me close my eyes and tried to touch my earlobe with my left hand where my hand goes I have no idea where my hand is, and I have no idea where my left earlobe is. It takes enormous energy just to look at your thumb and try to make it twitch. It is very draining.. I have lost a ton of memory, which may not be a bad thing. I can barely move my left arm, and I have no fine skills with my left hand whatsoever. I can't hold my own phone in my left hand.

But I can walk, with the help of a walker. I'm not gonna get frustrated. As I may never be able to hold a golf club again and play golf or do things that I were doing outside, but I am going to give myself the OK to recover and heal. They have a saying around here and I love it. I am goddamn tougher than a stroke.

For the people who haven't had a stroke, you have no idea what that means.

I have regulated my blood pressure and it is under control now I'm going home with 18 prescriptions. My stroke was caused by a blood clot from my left leg because of the ankle bracelet. Even though it wasn't directly related to my smoking or high blood pressure I am not going to smoke ever again. but now I'm susceptible to having more strokes which I never want.

And the fact of the matter is and I proved it I'm still here and I'm still breathing and I'm going home. I am goddamn tougher than a stroke. Joey one stroke zero.

The stroke took a lot from me that will take a long time for me to retrain my brain to overcome, but I will because I'm not gonna let a stroke beat me

5:40 AM 01/03/25

Wishing everyone a happy new year from rehab.

It may be New Year’s Day, but no day off

10:53 AM 01/01/25

The boys and my dad came to see me today and they got to witness me go through intense physical therapy

The boys and my dad came to see me today and watch me through Therapy My dad brought Adam and Carter up to see me today. They got to watch me go through two hours of intense physical therapy. They got to witness me struggle with the very basics of walking and working my ass off. They got to watch me relearn to walk and how difficult it is and how hard I work at it. It is a struggle. I see my leg and I see my hand, Trying to get the brain to reconnect to them is The issue. I was sitting there, thinking how Dawnie Would become the best physical therapist on the planet for me And I couldn’t imagine the other one ever doing anything of the sort. I have a big void in memory, I have cluster memory loss. I really don’t remember the last few years. I will continue to work my ass off. I have a goal to get out of here. And I’m working my butt off to get there. I miss my boys. It was good seeing them. I will recover. I am goddamn determined.

10:16 AM 12/30/24

Early start to the day, I already got my shower.

Had an off day yesterday. My muscles got tight. It’s hard to describe what it’s like when you can see your left hand, but you don’t know where it is in space or what it’s going to do. Working to get that part of my brain connected again. It is an incredibly weird sensation. I am doing really well with gross motor skills coming back. It is the fine motor skills that are making me frustrated. I will recover. Missing large chunks of memory from the last several years. Don’t know that is a bad thing. I don’t know if I’m making sense or not. After all, I had a major stroke.

6:53 AM 12/30/24

The absolute love of my life

Dawnie

5:10 PM 12/28/24

No scheduled Therapy Tomorrow

I guess it’s my day off. There is no scheduled therapy for me tomorrow. It’s Sunday so I’ll get to watch football, which I’ve watched very little of. I really don’t know what to do with myself, but I’ll figure it out. I’ll do some of the exercises I’ve given me to do and work on when I’m not at therapy.. my speech is still slurred, but my voice is getting stronger. I’m still in a really big brain fog. I don’t know how to describe it. I hope you cut me some slack. I had a stroke.

12:59 PM 12/28/24

Nobody else, but Dawnie, will do.

Talking with my dad and my friends, I was telling them how I know that if Dawne was here, she would be with me 24 hours a day and would be taking care of me nonstop and she wouldn’t go home and leave me. No knock on anybody else, but I wouldn’t want anybody else but Dawne. I have wanted to be alone to recover. If Dawne were alive, I would want her to be right here with me and the truth of the matter is, she is right here with me and the reason why I’m recovering rapidly and astonishing people in my recovery. I had a major stroke and that isn't going to stop me. I am going to beat this. I have my angel, Dawne, watching over me.

11:31 AM 12/28/24

Getting Stronger and Better everyday.

I am rapidly improving each day. Still have a long ways to go. I am defying the odds, with the severity of the stroke I suffered. wont be able to drive for awhile, if ever again. lost vision in my left eye. Left side of my face is still slow to respond. I am upbeat and driven to recover as fast as possible. Following and not being a rebel.

7:40 AM 12/28/24

Update on Nodule

Thank goodness all it is a small nodule and nothing to be worried about. CT scans every six months to check to make sure it isn't growing. Worked my ass off in therapy early this morning. I had a stroke and it is just hitting me now. left side of my face is drooping and slow to respond, speech is slow and slurred, but improving. I am hopeful and optimistic.

11:30 AM 12/27/24

Waiting Game

Now, waiting on the results of the scans that were sent by Barnes Jewish to my pulmonologist. Was told they found something on the scans and I waiting to find out what the severity of it is tomorrow.. I was treated so poorly at Barnes Jewish. I should’ve never been released.

3:38 PM 12/26/24

Without any doubt, I experienced several TIA's

Without any doubt I experienced several TIA’s with Heather. There is a long email trail of me asking her to stop, that it was impacting my health and well-being, and I describe what I am experiencing physically. Heather, would only ratchet it up, as the emails will show.

3:18 PM 12/26/24

Transient Ischemic Attack

A Transient Ischemic Attack is a blockage of the flow of blood to the brain that lasts temporarily. It is also referred to as a mini-stroke as the symptoms are the same. Unlike a full-fledged stroke, it does not cause any permanent damage but is still a serious condition. A TIA is typically the bodies way of alerting to other problems or more strokes to come. The attack is usually over in a matter of minutes, but being hospitalized is imperative. Diagnosing the problem and preventing a serious stroke are vital in the days following a TIA.

A lot more to come on this and the direct impact of Heather Killebrew behaviors and conduct that led and caused my stroke. Heather kept me in a constant state of stress, distress, duress and upset, coupled with my uncontrollable hypertension, led directly to me having a stroke. More to come ..

12:23 PM 12/26/24

Sometimes, all it takes is an act kindness and a simple little squeeze ball

This little ball, a simple little squeeze ball changed my attitude, and provided me hope when I was completely frustrated and down in the dumps about my stroke. I couldn’t feel my left hand or move my arm or leg at all. One of my nurses, Amy, on the last night I was in the hospital, gave me this ball and told me to hold onto it and squeeze. As soon as she put it in my hand, I squeezed it and it gave me hope. I could feel something on the left side of my body for the first time in four days. A simple little squeeze ball. I will keep the ball forever.

12:54 PM 12/25/24

Merry Christmas!

Already taking a shower had some physical therapy and had breakfast.

8:35 AM 12/25/24

Seriously. I had a Stroke. No Joke.

I have a gift for gab. Rehab, waiting to go to occupational therapy. I already had two hours of speech therapy, re-teaching me to swallow. I am totally exhausted. I find it really easy to fall asleep now they say that is normal due to a brain injury which a stroke is. More later..

11:11 AM 12/24/24

No Bullshit. This is the biggest challenge of my life

I am up to it. I am determined. I am going to recover. I do what they say and not be my normal rebel self. In a couple days I have made progress, it is a slow draining process. The brain uses so much energy and needs so much to rewire itself. I am exhausted. They say to rest and nap as much as you need, it helps to recover. I will recover.

8:22 PM 12/23/24

Long day of rehab. Many more to come

Long day of rehab. Learned a lot about my particular type of stroke. Looks like it was caused by a blood clot from the ankle bracelet, I had to wear. My speech is definitely slurred. The left side of my face has been impacted and impaired. Having to learn to swallow again. Getting limited use back in my left arm. My whole left side of my body has been impacted and impaired, but I am working my ass off and I will recover.

7:39 PM 12/23/24

Thankful and grateful

Grateful and thankful for all the support and care that I have received. From the EMT'S, ER STAFF, CARE flight team and all the wonderful nurses that have helped so much. I have met some of the kindest and most helpful people.

8:10 PM 12/22/24

Had a stroke and got airlifted .

I suffered a significant stroke paralyzed on the left side of my body.

10:20 PM 12/16/24

One more thing...

One more thing, my love. I see you, I see your beautiful smile, and those amazing eyes of yours. I don’t see you the other way, anymore. God answered my prayer and took it from me. Thank you, baby. I love you, D. And as always and of course, without a doubt,, I love you more..

8:58 PM 12/13/24

It's been a great day.

D
It’s been a great day, honey. I had forgotten and had got lost in some things. I found myself again in your eyes, thank you, baby. It occurs to me, this is our love story. My journey, now, is part of our story as well. Our love for each other endures and transcends life. I feel your energy all around me. You’re here and we’re together. We are forever connected. I love you more..
J

8:48 PM 12/13/24

My new daily selfie – Awesome.

What can I say – it’s bad.

8:34 AM 12/12/24

What a friend does

My life-long friend, Karen, texted these to me this morning. It’s wonderful to feel cared about.






Thank you, Karen, you are truly a wonderful friend. I will go get checked out, as soon as I have the boys and things settled.

I fogot what that felt like to just be cared about.

6:55 AM 12/12/24

Lost in your eyes. I am happy and at Peace today. Thank you, my love.

D,
I’ve been lost in your eyes all morning. I can’t stop looking at you and those eyes of yours. You have no idea and I could never describe how, the way you looked at me, made me feel. Looking at this picture gazing into those beautiful, amazing blue eyes of yours, I feel the same way. I felt so loved, cared for, wanted, desired, happy, peaceful and whole. I feel that way, again. I am lost in your eyes, just the way I always had been. Thank you for loving and caring for me the way you did. I miss you so much. I know you’re with me, I know you’re here, now, I feel you. Thank you for bringing out the very best in me. I am happy and at peace today, thank you, my love. I love you more..

J

10:10 AM 12/11/24

Those eyes. Can't wait to get lost in them, once more.

D,
The more I read, that much more I appreciate you, that much more I miss you and I fall that much more in love with you. It’s fitting that our song is playing. I’m so in love with you and it keeps on getting better and better. I wanted to spend the rest of my life in your eyes and you in mine. You truly amazed me. I miss you so much and without any doubt or uncertainty, I love you more.. can’t wait to see you my love. I’ll be coming home to you. I promise. I love you. I miss my sunshine. I can’t wait to get lost in your eyes, once more.

J

12:28 AM 12/11/24

Holy Sh!t, Bat Girl!

Today was going through the financials, to file corporate bankruptcy by the end of the year. OMG!! Which led me to have to look at emails and oh my God, again. Holy sh!t! I had an idea, but not like this. Holy sh!t!

Side note. This person didn’t know Dawne at all. She denigrates, demeans and character assassinates Dawne, a person she didn’t know nor knew the person Dawne was. Dawne, was an incredibly strong, incredible woman. Dawne had her demon, but that was not me and never me. Dawne and I had an amazing relationship, partnership, friendship, and marriage.

Dawne never put people down, nor trashed them, nor said bad things about them. If she didn’t want to engage with someone because they were not her cup of tea, they weren’t in her or our universe and didn’t eat up one second of thought nor time of hers.

My Dawnie was a hard ass, tough as nails. You always knew where you stood with Dawne. She was the most authentic genuine real person I have ever known. She put on no airs and didn’t pretend to be something she wasn’t. You knew exactly where you stood with her.

She was my perfect matching puzzle piece. We just fit.

Remember, after all, I am her husband and it is a privilege and honor that she chose me to be. I didn’t choose for her to be gone. I would never choose that nor have chosen to live a life without her.

My Dawne was the most amazing incredible woman. An incredible person. An incredible mother and the very best partner, companion, friend and spouse a person could have. That is who my wife was and as her husband, I will honor her and protect her and her name to the day I take my last breath.

11:44 PM 12/10/24

The look on my face, when returning home from [redacted] on October 21st and discovering..

The look on my face, when returning home from Jail and discovering that the older two had ransacked my house, sold items of mine off and had taken countless other valuable things, but this is the look of having your heart ripped out of your ass. Among the things taking (stolen) was Dawne’s jewelry, her engagement ring and her four wedding bands. All the other stuff and things taken, can be replaced, those can never be. Her necklace, earrings and the rings were placed into my hands by the priest at St. Joseph’s West the night Dawne passed away. Nothing else mattered, had just been told a few days earlier that they discovered a large mass in my left lung or that I was arrested or that I had to..

If ever, you wanted to crush, eviscerate and destroy someone (me), you would have to do exactly that. I had my heart ripped out of my ass and.. That is the reason for the look on my face.

1:32 PM 12/09/24

Starting to look like my old self, again.

I am starting to look more and more like my old self. It's been years. The stress, duress and distress is all gone. Life is good.

10:22 AM 12/09/24

How do you make peace with that? How do you make peace with something that keeps you up at night and causes you such heartache, pain, agony, and suffering? How? How do you come to terms with something like that? That never stops. That continuously rips your heart out through your ass. How? I’m begging. How? God knows I wish I knew. He won’t take it from me. How? Why won't you take that from me, God? Why?

9:49 PM 12/08/24

How? How do you do it? I’ve been struggling for years, trying different things. It’s unbearable. God took everything for me, but left me with that. I pray every day for him to take that for me too. How?

9:49 PM 12/08/24

You can't make this sh!t up. Yellowstone has nothing on this.

You can’t make this shit up. I need to do a podcast or a reality show based on the unreality of all of it. It is so surreal. I’m doing what I was told to do, asked to do and need to do. And I’m only still in 2021. OMG!! it is amazing what you will put up with when somebody has your freedom in their hands and they know it. OMG!!! Wildwood, the next Yellowstone. Yellowstone has nothing on this. LMAO.

10:24 PM 12/07/24

Such a catch!

I am such a catch these days. I have insanely high blood pressure, I’m a stroke or a heart attack away at any moment. My back is so bad I fall down a lot and have become incontinent. Oh I forgot, I have a large mass in my left lung, discovered during my vacation to that all exclusive St. Louis County jail. I, nearly, forgot to mention, I am wearing the latest in Wildwood jewelry on my ankle, a parting gift from Heather. Other than those things.. you know. did I happen to mention, life is good.

10:22 PM 12/07/24

How can I make peace with it? How can I make a deal with it and come to terms with it? How?

Everyone means well, but how? When, my first thought and vision is not the beauty of her and those, amazingly, stunning, beautiful blue eyes, which were full of life, happiness and joy, and that I loved to gaze into and get lost in. Those eyes and the way she looked at me and the feelings they stirred and generated in me, the warmth, the love, the happiness, the joy and the peace I felt looking into those eyes of hers. No, my first thought and vision are the terrifying, horrific and ugliness of the face of death, hers, that I saw when I rolled her over. How can you make peace with that and come to terms with it? I don’t know how to.

10:13 AM 12/07/24

How? How do you do those things?

How do you or how can you? I have struggled and suffered, so much, since that December night in 2016. So, I am asking, begging, pleading for the answers. I don’t know how and I don’t know if I can or could. I have no idea or clue, I don’t know how to do those things. I don’t know how to let that go, to make peace with it, to move beyond it and to love life, again. I don’t know how. So, How?

12:00 AM 12/07/24