Such a catch!

I am such a catch these days. I have insanely high blood pressure, I’m a stroke or a heart attack away at any moment. My back is so bad I fall down a lot and have become incontinent. Oh I forgot, I have a large mass in my left lung, discovered during my vacation to that all exclusive St. Louis County jail. I, nearly, forgot to mention, I am wearing the latest in Wildwood jewelry on my ankle, a parting gift from Heather. Other than those things.. you know. did I happen to mention, life is good.