How can I make peace with it? How can I make a deal with it and come to terms with it? How?

Everyone means well, but how? When, my first thought and vision is not the beauty of her and those, amazingly, stunning, beautiful blue eyes, which were full of life, happiness and joy, and that I loved to gaze into and get lost in. Those eyes and the way she looked at me and the feelings they stirred and generated in me, the warmth, the love, the happiness, the joy and the peace I felt looking into those eyes of hers. No, my first thought and vision are the terrifying, horrific and ugliness of the face of death, hers, that I saw when I rolled her over. How can you make peace with that and come to terms with it? I don’t know how to.